My Rating: 4.5 stars
Wow, what a story! This was one of the most fascinating memoirs I've ever read and one of the most well-written ones too! From the moment I started reading, I was so engaged and drawn into Tara Westover's story that I found it impossible to put this book down – a first for me with a nonfiction book! Actually, throughout the entire time I was reading, I had to remind myself constantly that this was not a novel, not some fictional coming-of-age tale about a girl who was able to rise above her circumstances and carve out an existence for herself despite everything that happened, because in all honesty, this absolutely read like a novel. Tara's story is truly amazing and I'm glad she got the chance to tell it-- the way she was able to get an education for the first time at the age of 17, even being able to study at Cambridge and Harvard and eventually earning her PhD, was absolutely inspiring! I appreciate the raw honesty with which she relayed her story and am impressed by the tremendous strength and courage that it undoubtedly took for her to lay bare her inner conflicts and struggles so vividly for us, also going to great lengths to clarify the details and events that were part of her own memory versus the ones that were not. As we were exposed to one harrowing incident after another and bore witness to the destructive behavior and actions of Tara's parents – her religious fanatic survivalist father and meek, subservient mother – there were moments where I wanted this story to be a work of fiction because it was so hard to come to terms with all the cruelty and abuse that went on. It felt surreal at times, witnessing this family's brutality – more specifically the father and one of the brothers -- spurred by an unwavering, cult-like adherence to an ideology that obviously defied logic as well as all common sense yet was embraced so wholeheartedly and unquestioningly. Tara never once used the word "cult" in her memoir and it is unclear whether she ever thought of her family as such, but the way she described her parents, especially later on with how powerful they became and all the "employees" who not only worked for them but also admired them and adapted their ideology, it is obvious to any outside observer that's what her family eventually became. In this regard, I can't help but worry for Tara, with the publication of this memoir, what her future will look like, especially knowing that her journey is far from over and she continues to struggle with reconciling the new life she built for herself against the love and loyalty she still has for her family.
And this is the one area – Tara's continued sense of loyalty to her family – that made me struggle with rating this book and, to a certain extent, writing this review. I absolutely felt for Tara and it was heartbreaking what she went through, but at the same time, it was very difficult for me to reconcile her constant need to still seek validation from her family even after everything that happened. She acknowledged herself that her parents were abusive, manipulative, maniacal to the point of delusional, and their lifestyle was one that she no longer wanted to be a part of -- her parents, for their part, also made it clear that her refusal to conform and submit to their ideology meant that she was "no longer welcome" in the family and they wanted nothing to do with her anymore either -- yet despite all this, somehow, Tara is still not able to let go. The part where she talked about writing to her mother every year and basically "begging for approval" to see her was tough to read and in all honesty, frustrated me to no end. Even though her family outright rejected her time and time again and she already knew it was "pointless" to continue reaching out to her family and making the trip back to her family's compound every year, she still continued to do it – almost as though, despite knowing the impossibility of it, she was hoping for some divine miracle that her family might one day "come around" and change their ways. While part of me definitely understands the difficulty of cutting ties with family and empathizes with the conflicting emotions that Tara continues to struggle with, another part of me can't help wondering whether someday, she might succumb and everything she worked so hard to achieve – the education and new life -- may be in vain. I'm pretty sure there will be more to this story in the future and I can only hope that whatever happens, Tara can continue to find her inner peace and happiness.
Overall, this was a tough read, but a powerful one and so very important! It opened my eyes to so many things and I know Tara's story will continue to stay with me for a long time to come. Highly recommended and necessary read!!
Received ARC from Random House via NetGalley
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